An Ode to my EX… (Whatever!!!)

April 27, 2010 at 11:50 pm (break up, love, relationship) (, , , , , , )

 

love will keep us alive

   I have this person as a blessing in disguise. He’s good. he’s bad. He’s my best friend. He’s my worst enemy. He overflowes me with his love. He deprives me of my right to be loved. He wipes away my tears. He makes me cry rivers of tears. He is the builder of my foundation so strong. He is the destroyer of what I has achieved. He is my strenght. He is my weekness. He loves me. He hates me. He critisizes me. He adores me. He is close to me, yet, he is furtherest from me. He is sometimes a total Jack@#$. But all along he is my sweetheart. In short he’s my sunshine, he’s my happiness. He is quintessential in ma life.  The mere existence of him in my life has left me more mature, more understanding, more humble and more loved. His presence still gives me strenght to face the world here alone on my own so far away from home. He filled me with kindness , knowledge and attitide. He taught me “seek and you shall find”, “knock and the door shall be opened”.  He’s the pothole that was the reason for mydownfall. He’s ma staff and crutch when i am crippled. He is the reaso for ma tears and anger. he is the reson for the smile andthe grin on ma face. he aint no superman with super-human powers and neither can he fly, but I can live without it 😉 Because he is definately my one and only HIGHWAY MAN!!!

   All this for a guy who practically walked all over me and then trampled me over some bitch he was seeing before me. Hence you guys can understand why I hate the word Ex, so much.. I wrote the above after I broke up with the guy. But you know on second thought I think something else.

   There have been times that I believe that I have been touched by true love. That people have truly loved me. I know that for sure. Like that guy who said that he liked me since we were in kindergarden and finally proposed when I was 19. Who cried insestently like a little child when I said that I cant see myself with him, though I had a major crush on him. Like my first guy who said that he loved me. Who practically stalked me for three years and then he finally treated me like I was some old cloth on the hanger in his closet. Yes, I know he loved me too. Like the last guy who I was in love with. Who I thought was the answer to my prayers. Even though he cheated on me, even though he asked me to marry him and didn’t even remember about it the next day, I believe he loved me too. And so did all the road side romeos who have declared their love for me, which left more terrified and disgusted rather than ready to accept their proposals. I have always firmly believed that I have been a scapegoat for them, a toy, an object for for their amuzement. Now i know better, I now believe that they have truly loved me. Even it be for one fleeting second or a nano second. Now whether they loved me for that precise second or for eternity, all that matters is that they did love me, or rather it does not matter anymore. All the while I was blaming them for the pain and misery only to realize that all the pain was because of me. I believed in fairytales. I believed in Prince Charming. I believed in Happily Ever After. I believed that love happens only once. I believed that love only touches us once.

   Like before I am in love once again. I don’t have much to say about him. When I think about him I do not feel like jotting down a poem or something like that. Maybe its just because its love in reality not the fairytale that I was trying to create. I understand now why my previous fairytales never lasted. It was because I wanted it to work the way I wanted it to. Now it’s different because I don’t have to work so hard to make it into a fairytale. It is not but the reality of it all makes it so magical and so much more believable and so much more humane. He is my sunshine. He brings a smile on my face. He is my rainbow.  My love story has not been great. It’s not exactly a material for an epic love story n neither will it go down in history considering how we met. All that matters is that love is there without pretenses, with humility, without expectations, with commitment, without EXs and with love.

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